i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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