Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
