I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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