You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
