So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
