Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
