im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
