I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
