My first STD was from a foam party
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
