Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
