I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
