ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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