I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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