I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
