Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
