Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
