I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
