It's Friday. Sex?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
