i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
