Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize