Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
