you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
