You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
