I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
