You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
