How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
