your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The Olympian is in my bed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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