no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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