So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
