I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
