i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
