A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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