remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
