this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
