So drunk its hurt
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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