I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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