I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
handjob tips. give me some.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
