Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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