How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
