So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize