My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
