If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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