no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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