he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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