I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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