The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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