i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
