I want to stick my p in your. b.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize