i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize