The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have already put on my inside pants.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
