I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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