I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nutella sex= disaster
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
