Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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