Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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