Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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