i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
