this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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