OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
