if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just forgot I was standing up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
