Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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