I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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