I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I enjoy the company of your penis
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