Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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