Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
