I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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