Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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