just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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