i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
