Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
