You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
