by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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