its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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